Sentenced

Perhaps this is her punishment
an existence heavy with remembrance
The lone lover
stuck to her pages
solemnly confronting the idea of solitude

Pushing back -
staining sheets with smells she hopes will never dissipate
No longer holding on to moments
but simply living in them
Scarcely
one by one
no matter how quickly they come and go

Her heart shattered and aching
frozen in some other time
the chill overwhelming
Redefining lonely
she is now homeless
without shelter

Banking on forgiveness seems utterly hopeless at best
What then?
The mark was made
Her consequence this:
          A lie
For truth is ruined
          so he says
Who is she to argue
Merely the contravener
shamed
a victim all by her own doing

Yet - Love
still unmeasured
no matter what the transgression may be
they Love
An adamant, stubborn, outspoken Love
existing without fail
without try
Effortless

While this Love may not recognize error
- and the human heart will still beat with one direction
the mind fails to practice with the same conviction
Spinning circles
creating reason thick in conflict
They're torn apart

He faithlessly marches on
while she stands still mistrusted
numb and naked
in fear of what may not come
Perhaps her punishment - is this
Living life
parallel to having it all
sharing Love with no beginning and no end
yet never finding the way to stand on common ground

Cancer

Quite literally burned on the inside I am crippled and swaying attempting to breathe My heart a metronome waiting to be wound Time the only concept working against me Cast aside and in disguise Salt in a wound which has never truly healed Broken open All the while broken under Simply Plainly Sadly broken I am shaken and shaking Attempting to understand science When rhyme is the only logic which speaks to me Diagnosis misread Dealing with nothing Yet reeling in the midst I am denying struggle While charred black remains release themselves Reality settles in Excusing nothing and losing the fight I lift denial on high Marching forward with false strength and borrowed time I am aching and pacing and panicked and afraid and searching for clarity When this muddled mess is mine and mine alone

I cannot feel guilty for this fear

My Sweet Heart

Tablespoons of discontent pepper nimble limbs
dancing gingerly against a skin ripped clean at the seams
torn like a paper-thin fabric
revealing barren bones
and a fevered heart: trapped by a brittle ribcage

She violently yearns to be set free
Escaping the confines of a body abused by careless whispers
and expired promises
Never resting
she beats and bellows
calling out in silent reverie
Her frequency misunderstood by many
but loud and clear to one

               Sing out!
               Believe!

There is a rhythm sought
yet not yet found

My sweet heart:
Your fight may not yet be won
However the company you keep
stands unmoved, embodying you
No matter how this body bends and breaks us
we shall seek and we shall find
While there may be strength in numbers
I believe just we two
will write the words
to right the wrongs
unbinding the chains which bind you

Captive no more
you shall break down my walls within
welcoming heat and life
Surrounded no more by barriers
we shall travel far and wide
running wild
but never reckless

My sweet heart:
A world so cruel has no room for our ways
But know this
There is no such thing as measure between we two
Circumference is a foreign word
Time is referenced
but never recognized
And while your heaviness has a weight
there is no number attached
So be it tablespoons or metric tons of dirt and flesh
you and I will win this fight
with no room for remorse or regret

My sweet heart:
This declaration is sound
like your permanence beneath my breast
                                                 I am held captive
                                                 only by you

Bravery

Tangled in words and rhymes
                                                             (& subtle hues of blue)
I find I am paralyzed
Wanting to wax poetic
yet plain
This is my existence:

                   Head strong and dauntless
                   Standing on my own

No matter how magnetic
the pull is not withstood
I long for more
but I knowingly live inside less
Boldly betraying the unspoken
Dancing with demons
no one else will embrace
This heart, I have dissected
Resurrecting circumstance
Posted to a claim I did not stake

Melting into transgression
I am stunned by nothing
          when presented with conflict
I dare not cower
          when normal is nothing short of this

Masquerading as the chosen one
but going it alone
I'm married to a memory
and widowed all the while
While something is not nothing
I want it all
I talk myself into circles
Never releasing that which dizzies me

Pretty to look at
Soft to the touch
I am that prized fighter
who sparkles in lights
and is the publics promised hope
Yet outside of the ring
I am merely the martyred punching bag
destitute while appearing cavalier

Will I ever again be swept away
Will the chosen ever again truly choose me

One like me grows tired of living alone within words
no matter how impetuous they may be... there is an emblematic permanence
worn willingly for all the world to see

Freedom is a funny thing
it's design is not flawless
but the strength required to obtain the ideal
Well...
Simply consider me the victim of circumstantial paralysis

An Exercise for Writers Block and Boredom

1.
To experiment
With a form which is unknown
This is the whole point

2.
Poet's exercise:
Playing with the syllables
Letters meet numbers

3.
Static from speakers
Listening to the divine
Sending messages

4.
My wallet is empty
Sugar daddy come find me
My pride can be masked

5.
Too lazy to read
Although it would behoove me
The pages: heavy lids

6.
She stares with eyes green
Furry, filled with attitude
Feline Royalty

7.
A painted body
An outline leading to truth
Read her limbs and breathe

8.
Sentimental fool
You should know better by now
The heart wants it all

9.
Stars meant for wishing
They're wasted on folly
Luck is lost on me

10.
All is said and done
Ten Haiku's to exercise
My pen and my palette

For a Friend ... and to My Lovers

I want someone or something to rest beside me without regret or hesitation
a second thought to be stricken from any record
a hollowed ground to land upon and rest within
                                                  The only illusion is illusion itself
Where my backbone is the cornerstone to all that makes this shit spin
and while I'm spinning
I trust
destined to fall upon soft ground

We misplace truths
only to rely on fiction
for some false sense of comfort
Bending ourselves
our bodies
our beliefs

This canvas is imperfect and beautiful in spite of that reality
With a past so thick with indecision
it's hard to move forward
                                                  To believe in hearts beating for you
                                                  toward you
                                                  near you
                                                  due to the breath you've wasted
                                                  and laid upon others
Partially reluctant
I lose myself in the myriad
Actively reminded
yet denying the reminder
All in one silent attempt to find reason within denial

I have travelled
by ship and sea and star
Blinded by the light life often emanates
With every failure that light bleeds brighter
Strapping the weight of worlds created to my insides
I march on
never dimming
Dispatched to dictate madness through lyrics declared as Scripture
knowing my luck in Love is nothing shy of brilliant strategy

With all the twists and turns
how do you disregard the heart
      -the rhythm that keeps your soul in step with the universe
Many have tried
but failed
Learn to accept
      -the truest triumph is the failure itself
For if we never leapt
we would simply be standing still
                                                  Gravity: what comes up
                                                  will come down
However
the risk of letting go of ones heart
transcends science

Side Stepping

I am amped & annihilated
beaming from the outside in
Backwards and browbeaten
Whips & chains
castrating pieces of me

No ones Penelope
Precious to none
I am nothing
yet everything
Misplaced

I actively seek reason
within a web
where answers cannot be found
I m naked & uncovered
cowering
Where do we go from here?
even up is not an option
I back peddle
screaming words of Love & redemption
requesting validation
when even validity has lost its allure
I am speechless & denied
I am loud & undermined

We cast ourselves
far wide & wise
Reaching for stars
that are already ours

Spinning circles
We are no more
but
we are no less
The lesser of the two:
me versus you
How do we move forward?
when only one wants to move on