Unspoken

Words like thick rigid glass pierce straight through me
I used to drink you
Wholly
Holy Holy Holy
                      Farce

I attempt an escape into tonight’s rising moon
and recognize a galaxy filled with constellations
better left denied

My skin crawls with omission
When did truth become transparent?
If words are left unspoken
do we then deny action
or how about the lack thereof?
Or better still: the bold and the blatant

Responsible for no one
we take for granted
                                   LOVE
Something I’m beginning to recognize I am the sole defender of

I fight
and claw
while my emotions dance about
Making me the jester
in a court I no longer belong to
     -I bare witness
But the stakes are no longer the same

We can recount our scorecards
deciphering who’s to blame
                      But for what?

I broke down and rebuilt a broken masterpiece
I chose: Us
While you bided your time
you brushed against another’s naked skin
All the while
knowing
you were breaking the broken

A foolish girl behind a fading counter
I awaited your arrival
Ready to turn the page
Willing to go left if you forced my hand
Wanting to go right

Disguised
Unrevealed
Better left unsaid
One step forward
                 Three steps back

We carry on

This beat beneath my chest desires a rhythm
I no longer know if you deserve
The ache, which sweeps over my entirety
has your handy-work attached to its price tag
with a fee of unyielding uncertainty
I cannot fear what is yet to come

They say knowledge is power
                                                Now I know

Heavy

I built a world out of lead
-on shaky ground
yet still question my heavy heartedness
I wish for same-page something
& find short hand non-sequiturs that don’t add up
When I am finally standing still
-breathing you
(surrounded by chaos)
you are running circles around (on) me
Or perhaps it is my orbit
that leaves you weightless
and the gravity you once wished for
is that which you now deny

I scribble
maddened
(once again relatively muted)
I let the days play out
never knowing fluidity
What once was comfort
is now un-trusted
-untrusting

My peace is present
all the while the biggest piece of me is growing cold
like stone
in a jacket pocket
weighing the foundation
like lead
Heavy
-hearted
Slowly breaking (after I finally found my way back) down

Unfinished...

With every aching moment
my life moves in and out of focus
When concept and practice fist fight
-- gloves off --
I am left broken
with a bleeding heart
swollen from exposure

I play with old flames
and finally I've learned...
I will get burned
I invite the 3rd degree

What we wish to be
and what we are
are too often not one in the same

Words are my one defense
the ally I claim
Filling the void you choose not to
Yet you disarm me
disengage
walking some fine line
silencing me
without response

I can give you answers
to questions
but only if you're listening

I can give you reasons
for believing
but only if you want to

I can finally give you
what you have asked for
but only to take it for granted

I lie beside eskimos and sand
breathing deeply
bleeding deeply
swollen and aching

Questioning you

Westside Rendezvous

Snapshots from days gone by
          parade the exterior
   -I meet you-
Declaring the middle of America
          the half way point
between what was
          & what might have been
I dance circles around you
          while you silently sit still
We leave agendas to those
          better suited for desk jobs
          in high rises
Carrying on
          speaking in a language which requires
          only lips & limbs
I find myself penetrating
          and missed
          if only for the moment
   -We move forward-
Naked in my solitude
          I find strength in this
          dysfunctional romance
I am calm
          Perhaps the storm has yet to break
          Or perhaps it has already broken

Lassoing the Stars

Perhaps I hung the moon while you weren’t looking
crediting someone else
placing stars in your palm
then soft shoeing off stage right

Time passed – Life lingered and continued – Love? – Without warning: fantasy met reality

You fought for fantasy
Is that what you’ve chosen to believe?
Is this the final verdict?
Feeding me honesty and sincerity
til’ I’m choking on this familiar taste
We planted trees out west
and watched them wither from afar
I tried to believe
consuming barren fruit
allowing your poison to run back into my veins
knowing change is a tricky Catch 18
You whispered words of sorrow and regret
retribution delivered in such a Precious package

Can one be blind yet still see?

I buried you
your bones: replanted into my richest soil
thirsty and parched
I gave you more than you really noticed

I needed time

In the end
there you are again:
Dr. Jekyll
revealing
Mr. Hyde

I am the fool who fell-- Lassoed the stars – Awoke alone

Even still
convinced fantasy and reality are one in the same

Modern Medicated Science

I fail to recognize the face behind the glass
Suddenly
Stunningly apropos
the etymology of façade
is the only thing certain
Crystal clear
Blinding
On the surface: ink & flesh & paint & pen
I keep trying to lacquer over the ugly parts
The aesthetic appears to be perfect
but underneath it all…

This aching mirrors the ancient lament of the Grecian goddess’ that came before me
                                    My heart swells
                                    My veins pulsate
                                    My breath
                        Shallow

I swallow hard
while the chemical digestion makes way within me
melting & swirling
Erasing my delicate nuances
                        I become a tiny white milligram

Crumbling
Torn open
Left bruised and broken
with an open wound
refusing to heal

I cannot face this face
I am seeking answers to riddles yet written
Knowing
I know
nothing

Fading Fantasy

I get lost in ancient text
Finding hieroglyphics more familiar
than this flesh upon my bone
When did Love become an alternate world
A fantasy written
in tenses we later refer to
Reflecting upon the way things were
to explain and assess the present broken infrastructure

Our words: were gospel: you should know that

Babylon became second nature
Writing itself
in rhyme & paradigm
You laid your pen to rest
and placed my heart beside it

Prince or Pauper
Fact or Fiction
Human or Divine
I married you years ago
and you gave me the freedom to walk away

but my faith remains: permanently etched: racing through my veins

If it crumbles
I still believe
If it survives
I know who holds the key

Fantasy is a lonely place when it comes to Love