Do as I Say, Not as I Do

Like a seething storm beneath this skin
signs of dilapidation
           slowly rising
In a fury
in an instant
the tainted truth trembling at my fingertips
We break our wounds wide open
Salt and vinegar pouring in
This is no fabrication

Once an island upon an island
now I live and breathe amongst the masses
Exclaiming nothing
bottled up
           waiting to wash ashore

I roll with punches
dreaming of pacifism at its basest level
Wrestling with self
           Wrestling with other
Awake in this nightmare
I stumble
wide-eyed
Wishing for explanation
           and purity
To be rid of this momentary madness
but the madness is no longer built into the moment

I am blanketed
covered whole
No remedy for reality
Love and longing taking shape in a manner better left for someone else

This is real
This is raw
This is now

Always seeking to unveil truth
I kept one eye open
           in order to believe
Only now: both eyes wide
           I see what a fool I was
               ever to believe

Holding on to hope
           searching for truth in forgiveness
Masquerading as the chosen one
but cast aside for the high
A world I bare witness to
           yet knowingly live on the outside peering in

There is no going back
There is no standing still
We fall from grace
We retrace our chosen mistakes
           never reaching destination
Collecting stories and scars
retold and remembered in fraction
A portion or just a piece
           Straining out the bad
               allowing only good to remain

Beneath our delicate façade
lay the hidden parts
           the better off forgotten
               slowly creeping in
Daring us to remember to revisit a past we’ve buried beneath flesh and bone
Time disguises the answer to the question no one is really asking…

What now?
           what now?