“Self Doubt”

I reach
I grasp
I hold on
My trembling hands
Your tempting timing
The way your eyes pierce me
A simple shadow of a doubt
I never knew was there
I couldn’t have known
Even if I’d been looking
Yet there you are
I study you
And find
What I do not know
And want to know
So much more
I want to ignore
The boundaries
The lines that I’ve drawn
And breathe as much of you in
As my body allows
I want to get caught up
In your words
And our laughter
Without fear
Of the lack of certainty
Of tomorrow and beyond
Yet I know me
And my mayhem
My ignorance
What with bliss
And I doubt
So much more
And that’s all in me
I lied when I said
I wouldn’t ask of you
I ask you ease my doubt
And help me recognize
My self-worth
Help me see
The good you see
In me
And I’ll find a way
To do
The same
For you
And I’ll try
For each day
And try not
To clutter
My mind
With my usual heart’s
Confusion
I wish not
For promises
Which will be broken
And beat me
But truth
And fairytale
To be swept up
With you
In you
About you
And around
Do as I do
Live in me
Take everything
Or choice nothing
And keep breathing
For life is simple
If you learn to let go

“A Tall Tale”

I’m unaware
And torn
Do I tell tales
So tall
I make a disbeliever out of myself?
Moments
Minutes
Places
Faces
Memories
I cannot erase
I hurt
I fail
And I’m reminded
Fallible
Ignorant
Destroyed
Shallow
Serene
My eyes are open
Yet you say your dreaming
I just stopped believing
In everything valid
I’m weak
Weary
And afraid
To live
Without
Love
The love in which
Is so familiar
And fixed
And perfect
Unselfish
Particular
Yet
Without boundary
Or so it seemed
Passion never dies
I want to believe
I want to be lied to
I want to deny
Everything I know
I want to be stepped on
Beaten
Bruised
Shamed
Fearful
I want innocence
Without doubt
But I cannot
Have you
Broken
Any longer
I can no longer
Flush with fury
For knowing
It is I
Who has disillusioned
You
You and I
Will be
What dreams are made of
In my mind reality
And to you
A tale too tall
To believe in

“Certain Uncertainty”

In between
Unwind
Behind
I’m flustered
And feeling
A we
I cannot deny
I’m sure of something
Your sweetness
Your tone at the other end of the line
A comfort
I want to
Ignore
But I won’t
For I feel
You
And your temptation
I steal your kisses
And savior the taste
You are positively pleasing
To my tortured soul
And I can’t help but feel
And the constant
Wanting
For more
The all
In which
You stimulate
My desire
To be someone
I’m not so sure of
But willing
And waiting
For you to inspire

“Vacancy”

Your actions
Will continue
To make me feel
Small and unnoticed
Your words
Will go unsaid
Leaving me
Meaningless and mute
I’m afraid
Of what I can not feel
My fear is all encompassing
For I want
To hold on
Let go
Lose you
And your memory
Yet I look in the mirror
And see you
Staring
Back at me
In to me
Reminding me
You are still with me
And will remain
Within
I may meet faces
Unknown
To you
And yet
Their images
Make me
Think of you
And your callous hands
The ones in which
Hold my tender
Broken heart
As tepid as yours seems
To be
I trek on
Wanting to believe
My memory
Brushes past you
And your soul
The images of me
The place you once called home
For what?
I don’t know
No gratification
Can be found
But I keep trying
I fight
I kick
I scream
I lie silently
Awaiting
The return
In my vacant hollow shell
Come back to warm me
Or make me want
No more

“Beyond The Blue Abyss”

I soar through
The pale blue abyss
Descending upon
All that I cannot remember
Into a world of richness
Deep within this earths soil
I sit alone
Suspended
No one here to remind me
I am alone
I fight the feeling to dwell
To live and relive
My haunting past
I try to lose focus
The path I was on
Seems to slowly fade
I find it sobering
And sad
To build something
Out of nothing
Only to have it broken
And taken
And now we begin again
Or rather
I begin again
Without the familiar places
And people
But a world I call
My own
Your silence will always be
A mystery to me
I’ll play on
Wishing for a way
To have reached you
And so they say
Distance makes the heart grow fonder
Not yours
For me
You’ve bottled me up
Given me no choice
But to pack my things
And leave you be
Even still
Come what may
My memories
Create and recreate
A false sense of reality
And what it is I want
Or is it wanted?
Your somber heart
Tires me
And your empty promises
Leaves me shamed
To have trusted in a union
In which only one of us believed
And so it seems
My bed is made for one
And the love
I fear
Will go on
Without you
And what a lonely place to be
Alone
Without you
I know though
You’ll never know that
The feeling of life without you
Funny how
The choice
Which is not yours
In the end
Is your fate
And if this be the case of fate
In the end
Will your fate be me
Life’s sweet tricks
The games we continue to play
My biggest mind fuck
Is me
And yet
I cannot ignore
The obvious
So I go on
Searching for the greater good
Maybe outside of my world
Beyond this blue abyss
I’ll find a similar sense of serenity
The kind I had in you
I’ll find one
You can’t take away from me
I’ll hold on tight
Keep it locked deep inside
And never deny
The truth of it all
My own personal reality
My savior
My belief
My reason for believing
In me
And all that
We might have