“Sick of Myself”

I just want to run away
Find myself alone
My heart breaks each time
I count on my feelings
Each fork in the road
I turn my back on the unknown
I mangle the masses
I forget
And they forget to forgive
Yet forgiveness should not be mine
For life has a cruel intention
When Love is the case
For it is no matter
How huge this heart may be
It’s carelessness
Destroys
Wrecks the brave
And leaves them weary
My selfish heart
Weeps
I cannot decipher
The anger from the pain
I watch his world crumble
Again
My hands hold my shame
His defeat
I’m sick with remorse
This time
Was to be different
Yet here I am
Running circles
Retracing my steps
Questioning what went wrong
Where did I get off track
Where did I abort
Was I dreaming
Did I create a world
Once again
Which could never be reality
Yet this stinging
This throbbing
This relentless disgust
These things are real
And they destroy me
For I have destroyed another
My eyes
Downcast
Bloodshot
Tired and strained
Let my tears cleanse your contempt
For the woman you believed in
And the reality of the one
Who once again failed you
Will forever sicken me
And make me feel small